| My Awakening |
[Nov. 22nd, 2008|10:27 pm] |
I realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety, and security to come galloping over the next horizon. I have come to terms with the fact that he will not be Prince Charming and I will not be Cinderella and that in the real world, there isn't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings, for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with myself. In the process, a sense of serenity will be born of acceptance.
I've awakened to the fact that I am not perfect and not everyone will always love, appreciate, or approve of who or what I am ... and that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions. And, I will learn the importance of loving and championing myself. In the process, a sense of new found confidence will be born of self-approval.
I will stop complaining and blaming other people for the things that they did to me (or didn't do for me) and will learn that the only thing that I can really count on is the unexpected. I will learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for me and that it's not always about me. I will learn to stand on my own and to take care of myself. In the process, a sense of safety & security will be born of self-reliance.
I will stop judging and pointing fingers and begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties. In the process, a sense of peace & contentment will be born of forgiveness.
I realize that much of the way I view myself and the world around me is a result of all of the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into my psyche. I will begin to sift through all of the junk I have been fed about how I should behave, how I should look, how much I should weight, what I should wear, where I should shop, what I should drive, how and where I should live, what I should do for a living, who I should marry, what I should expect from a marriage, the importance of having and raising children, or what I owe my parents/guardians. I will learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. I will begin reassessing and redefining who I am and what I really stand for.
I will learn the difference between wanting and needed and begin to discard the doctrines and values that I have outgrown or should have never bought into to begin with. In the process, I will learn to go with my spiritual instincts.
I will learn that it is truly in giving that I receive and that there is power and glory in creating and contributing. I will stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for my next "fix".
I will learn that principles such a honesty and integrity are not outdated ideals of a by gone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon what I must build a life.
I will learn that I don't know everything; it's not my job to save the world and I cannot teach a pig how to sing. I will learn to distinguish between guilty and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. I will learn that the only cross to bear is the one I choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
I will learn about love; romantic love and familial love. I will learn how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away. I will learn not to project my needs or my feelings onto a relationship. I will learn that I will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable, or more important because of the man on my arm or the child that bears my name.
I will learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as I would have them to be. I will stop trying to control people, situations, and outcomes.
I will learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love. I will learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms just to make you happy.
I will learn that alone does not mean lonely. I will look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that I will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and will stop trying to compete with the image inside of my head and agonizing over how I "stack up".
I will also stop working hard at putting my feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring my needs. I will learn that feelings of entitlement are perfect OK and that it is my right to want and to ask for the things that I want and that is sometimes necessary to make demands.
I will come to the realization that I deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and respect and I refuse to settle for less. I will allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes me to glorify me with his touch, and, in the process, I will internalize the meaning of self-respect.
I will learn that my body really is a temple. I will begin to care for it and treat it with respect. I will begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water, and taking more time to exercise. I will learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. I will take more time to rest. Just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels the soul. I will take more time to laugh and "play".
I will learn that for the most part in life, you get what you believe you deserve that that might of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I will learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishes for something to happen are different from working toward making it happen.
More importantly, I will learn that in order to achieve success, I need direction, discipline, and perseverance. I will also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help.
I will learn that the only thing I must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time; FEAR itself. I will learn to stop right into and through my fears, because I know that whatever happens, I can handle it in Christ Jesus. I will learn that to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life according to His and my terms.
I will learn to fight for my life and to not squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. I will learn that life isn't always fair, I won't always get what I think I deserve, and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions, I will learn not to personalize things. I will learn that God is not punishing you or failing to answer my prayers; it's just life happening.
I will learn to deal with evil in its most primal state; the ego. I will learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of me and poison the universe that surrounds me. I will learn to admit when I am wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.
I will learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things that I too often take for granted; things that millions of people upon this earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower, etc. Slowly, I will be to take responsibility for myself, by myself, and I will make myself a promise to never betray myself and to never settle for less than my heart's desire. I will listen to the wind chime hanging outside of my window so I can listen to the wind and to take it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful, Godly possibility.
Finally, with courage in my heart and with God by my side, I will take a stand, take a deep breath, and begin to design the life that I want to live as best as I can. |
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